Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
