I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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