Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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