i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
