remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
