The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
