i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize