they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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