I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
