Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
