areolas are like halos for boobs.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
