I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
