And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize