I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
