i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
