You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
