WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize