i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
