how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
