He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
