What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
