hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
