Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
