i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
