peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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