im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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