fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize