Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
my poor anus
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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