If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
