I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
