If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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