seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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