Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
