hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
love makes seman taste better
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
