some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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