So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize