Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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