i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
