I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
