You're so nebulous sometimes
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
