When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
His hands were made for my vagina.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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