i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize