If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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