Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
