my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
