apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Quick, to the slutcave!
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
