she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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