Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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