Non-Jews are for practice
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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