I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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