Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
