I'm jealous of your bromance
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
