Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
