i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I got inside last night via doggy door
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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