I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
