absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
