Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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