she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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