Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize