non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
my liver is dry heaving
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
