The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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