How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
