This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
