Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
