there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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