i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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