That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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