yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
