just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
