you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
