3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
birth control should be required to get into college
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
