It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
