3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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