I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Is Oprah even human
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
