her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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