Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Randomize
