she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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