Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
