Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
