I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
