He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
now i know why i became what i already was.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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