He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize