Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
