Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
