i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
