We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
