i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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