Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
