We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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