I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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