im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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