I can tuck mytits in my pants
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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