Moan for me like Helen Keller
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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