I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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