yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
