i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
