I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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