afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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