I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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