i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
two words...techno handjob
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
