Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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