so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
